hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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