batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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