i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
