come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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