I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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