There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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