If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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