I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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