I'm really into asian looking animals
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
