the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
