I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
