but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
