How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
