White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
