he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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