I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
