We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
