Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
