Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
