just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
