life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
