he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How does it feel to date your dad?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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