You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
