I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
