She said her name was "party"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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