Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
