everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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