Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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