Sry I called you an 8
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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