I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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