is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
