Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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