So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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