If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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