Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
