I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
