i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
