i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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