Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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