I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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