Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
