Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
