after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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