dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
