Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
