You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
