I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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