You're so nebulous sometimes
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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