Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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