Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
