Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
